Monday, 8 November 2010

Coalition Rambling

The government of the UK is something of an oddball: on the right, you have the Conservatives ("The Nasty Party") who want you to work 40 hours a day for six pence and like it; who view the general populace with barely-concealed disgust; who would prefer it if we just had a monarchy and forgo all this nauseating democracy in favour of pomp, circumstance and slavery. And you have the Liberal Democrats ("The Gutless Party") who like to form circles and hold hands (that's what I got out of their manifesto).

The thing is that the Lib Dems have long been seen as a left-wing, unambiguously progressive (if totally hopeless) outfit, while the Tories are quite the opposite. Yet there they are governing the country together.

It's hard not to detest the Tories because David Cameron, whilst I don't think he's a bad man at heart, is plainly clueless, as is his pack of Etonian buddies. These people think that "roughing it" is some sort of rugby slang for involuntary buggery (guffaw) and that rent is something that you have a man to collect for you.

My theory as to how the liberals and the conservatives have found common ground is a simple one: they are the same people. Liberal Democrat MP's have never had to worry about actually having power; the party is a vehicle, not for a serious political career, but for the vacuous dreams of charismatic nobodies. Their backgrounds are Eton, Winchester and Oxbridge, their lineage is traceable to 18th Century European monarchs; they are born conservatives without a backbone, the Cinderella bitches from the same den as the Tory wolves.

And now they all run the country together. I've been in the bunker for the last few months, but tomorrow I will break the emergency glass and take a comprehensive, systematic look at how they're getting on; whisky in one hand, profanisaurus in the other...

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