Tuesday, 23 October 2012

After The Debates, Wither Thou Goest, Empty Headed Undecided?

Forgive my fury, but the dumb eyes of undecided American voters who think themselves fair-minded contain an infuriating, vacuous arrogance.

No, lady, you're not fair-minded; if you can't separate these two candidates in your mind, you have precisely zero capacity for analysis. No, Sir, you're not weighing each argument equally, the truth is you have but two ideas about how politics affects you personally: Jack and Shit (oh, that reminds me: Jack left town).

The good news is: you're probably not a virulent racist.

The bad news is: fuck you.

Sweet Jesus! After an economic collapse caused by stock jockeys gone goofy and super rich arseholes who all got out ahead, you could vote for the goofy stock jockey super rich arsehole who specialised in getting out ahead, or you could vote for the other guy, who's been trying (and partly succeeding) to regulate that shit, whilst cleaning up the mess left by the last goofy super rich arsehole you voted for to be president.

Still undecided? How about the fact that one of them says that the best way to quell gun violence in America is by maintaining two parent, one home families - because, statistically, all children with single parents grow up to be 50 Cent. The other guy was raised by a single parent and became the President (presumably, he's secretly President Fiddy, and it says so on his gay Kenyan birth certificate that Acorn gave to drug dealing Mexicans to apologize for America). He thinks banning assault weapons would be a good idea - you know, to stop people carrying out mass killings with assault weapons, of which there have been several in recent years (FYI: mass killings carried out by people with assault weapons are more difficult without assault weapons).

Seriously, undecided voters in this election either have genuine problems understanding abstract concepts or are hopelessly nihilistic. In fact "Nothing has meaning, meaning is nothing" could be the internal slogan of the Romney campaign.

Yeah, I've got my horse in this race, but if you're not a hard-boiled conservative who genuinely wants a government with massive military spending and drastically cut welfare and regulations and a total ban on all abortions, and you see yourself as 'undecided' in this race, you don't know what you're talking about.

Or you're not going to vote and you're just lying to pollsters about being a 'likely voter'. That's probably it, you sly sons of bitches. You're just afraid of looking like indolent, disinterested, un-civic minded yokels who wouldn't know Republican from reptilian.

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